There are events in every person’s life, which emerge and change everything they had planned and hoped for. I would tell people that I don’t plan to get old. I am going to live to be 200 years old. Who knows, maybe I will do exactly that and surprise everyone.
My health, however, this year seems to be taking a turn for the worse. I guess my warranty runs out at age 60. The worse health issue I have is that I have Parkinson's Disease. I found out a couple of months ago about it, and it explains some of the symptoms I have been exhibiting.
So what are the symptoms of Parkinson’s I have? Everyone knows about hands shaking when you have Parkinson’s Disease and perhaps think that is all it is. I wish that was true. I am presently in the beginning states of PD. My hands tremble when I work with them. It started in the left hand but is somewhat in the right as well. Thankfully, they do not usually shake a lot, but it is a progressive disease so that will get worse. I also have anxiety and trouble sleeping due to PD. I take medication to help with the anxiety, and that helps with my sleep as well. There are days I feel tired and fatigued. I want to just sit with my eyes closed and rest all day.
Other symptoms I could have include, depression, lost of balance, inability to walk straight, slowing down of movement and even rigidity. There is a greater possibility of dementia, hallucinations and other neurological problems. If you want to see what all can happen then I suggest you read about it in Wikipedia. (click on Wikipedia to see the article)
The cause of PD is the lack of dopamine to the brain. I have no idea why I have this problem. I do not have any known relatives with PD. I have not had any injuries or been exposed to anything that could cause it. I am simply blessed with Parkinson’s Disease.
Blessed? It might seem strange to use that word in the same sentence as Parkinson’s Disease, but I really do mean it. I am blessed. Please do not feel sorry for me. No, I do not want PD. I would rather have cancer which you can fight and win. Everyone knows someone who had cancer but is now free of it. Yes, it was scary for them and painful, but they won. No one has ever beaten Parkinson’s Disease. It is a degrading disease which slowly progresses until you’re totally helpless.
I agree with Jesus in Luke 22:42 “Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.”
Does Jesus want me to be sick? No! I am sure of that. I know He can cure me. I know He loves me. So why wouldn’t He take this sickness from me? I do not know. Perhaps He will. I know that my Jesus is more powerful than anything this world could ever throw at me.
I also know that I would rather have His will in my life than to have a healthy body. Yes, I want to be healthy. I want to live a normal life, enjoying my family and friends. I want to walk down the street with my wife’s hand in mine. I want to live to be 200, but I would rather have Jesus in my life than anything else.
I know Jesus. I trust Him completely. Some people you trust with your life, knowing that they would never hurt you. I trust Jesus with my life, knowing that if I am hurt, it will somehow bless Him and me both. The scriptures and history, show many times where someone is hurt in some way, but God receives the glory. Good things come forth from the pain. I belong to Him, and I will not curse Him for this trial. I will bless His name and trust in whatever plan He has for me.
Job 1:21 “And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”
Some will say I should deny even having such an illness. I should rebuke it and claim healing. By not claiming healing and denying the disease, I am doubting God’s power to heal me. No, I have no doubt about His will and His power to heal. I have seen His ability to heal, and I have seen His deep love for me. I also know that there are times He allows His children to go through trials so that they might grow and be more like Him. I would rather live my life with a broken body and a full soul, than vice versa.
I plan to fight this sickness. I will fight it physically and spiritually. I hope to see God heal me completely of PD, but until that happens, I will trust Him, serve Him and Bless His name forever. My goal in life is not to live a pain free, happy life, but to live my life resting in Jesus. Trusting Him in all things and growing to be more like Him in all I do and say.
If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to ask.
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